Week 10 Fathers and Finances

During class this week, I found it so interesting that throughout the whole history of the world work would involve the whole family. Only very recently did it start to involve the husband to go away for work.  Fathers take the role as a provider and protector of the family. The role of fathers is really important. I would like to include this essay I wrote that explains how fathers benefit their children and their family:

Importance of Fathers

Fathers are very important and beneficial to the whole family. From the readings, the most effective points from experiencing an involved father are that the children will do better in school, have higher self-esteem, have more self-control, and learn how to treat others better.

According to Fatherinstitute.org in an article called “Fathers’ Impact on their Children’s Learning and Achievement”, the higher the level of a father’s commitment in their child’s education, the better academically and behaviorally the child will do in school. The child will be less likely to get expelled or misbehave. They will also do better in their classes if they have a support system behind them and have the self-esteem that their fathers provide for them. Fathers highly impact their child’s self-esteem. As I learned in the article titled “The Importance of Fathers” from Psychologytoday.com, if a father has been involved with their child since the child was a baby, they are emotionally secure with themselves and with their fathers. They gain the self-security to explore new places and social scenes because they are comfortable and attached to their fathers. They will have to confidence to explore their surroundings.

Children also learn self-control from their fathers.  Fathers have more one-on-one unstructured, active play with their young children and toddlers, compared with the nurturing and protective nature of the mother. My Child Development textbook titled “The Developing Person” by Kathleen Stassen Berger goes over the fact that children are less likely to lash out in anger when they shared a responsive, warm relationship with their fathers starting as infants. For example fathers play more physically with their children. For example, a father might throw his child up into the air and then catch them, or he might encourage them to try to climb a tree. This teaches the child how to regulate their feelings and behavior by learning what is acceptable behavior in certain situations as demonstrated by their father. If fathers treat their family, especially their wife, the children’s mother, with respect and love, the children will learn how others ought to be treated. There is talk given in 2002 by F. Melvin Hammond titled “Dad, Are You Awake?” that expresses the importance of fathers treating their wives with respect and tender love. “…the way we [husbands and fathers] treat our wives could well have the greatest impact on the character of our sons.” He goes on to explain that if you abuse your wife in anyway, your child will despise you for that and also continue the behavior with their spouses. It is important for fathers to be respectful and loving to each member of the family because the children observe that behavior and learn how to treat people by the examples of their father.

My dad was absent when my siblings and I were growing up, so he was not involved with us very much. We lived very close, saw him often and he was over at our house frequently, but we were not interacting very much with each other. For example, he would come over to our house but only to talk to my mom, or talk with other adults, but not his children. As a result, I never felt very close to him. Since he was gone for a large portion of my childhood, I learned to live life without him. I discovered that this is why I may be having a difficult time getting close to people and sometimes struggle to build relationships with people, because I never felt that attachment and security with my father.

Since my father was not around often, he was not actively involved with our education. As a result, my older brother gave up on school during his senior year of high school. He ended up going to an alternative high school and graduating two years later than planned. I realize that if my father had been more concerned and excited about his academic achievement, my brother would have had more motivation to pull through and graduate on time. On the contrary, my younger brother has always gotten straight A’s and has always has been motivated to do work. There was no change in my father’s involvement with his education. On the other hand, I realize that my younger brother was watching my father’s work ethics more closely than my older brother was. My father has always kept a steady job as a locksmith and always finishes what he starts.

In my future family, once I get married and have children, I will encourage my husband to be involved in our children’s lives. One thing I will do that is really important is involve him right from the start, during pregnancy. If I involve him in going doctor’s appointments, speaking to my belly and tracking the baby’s development, he will grow a bond and attachment to the child even before our child is born. He will also feel more comfortable with our child because he is included and feels he is a part of the child’s life before it is born. Also, starting when our children are at a very young age, I will encourage my husband actively meet and play with each child one-on-one so he can assess their needs and gain a bond with each individual child. It is common for mothers to tend to ‘hog’ their children, especially infants, as a result the father doesn’t get to spend that much time with their child. It is not always done intentionally, but I will consciously make sure I will not do that and encourage interaction with their father.

I will plan for regular family activities where we can all come together as a family and have fun feeling comfortable with each other. With their father being present it will make them feel secure as a family. It will allow them to feel united as a family as a whole, like nothing is missing. Most importantly, I will acknowledge his hard work and involvement with our kids and express my appreciation for him. For example, I might say something along the lines of, “Honey, I think it is really great that you work so hard at your job and then come home and help the kids with their homework. I really appreciate you doing that.” If I acknowledge his efforts in his involvement with our children it will make him feel appreciated and needed and will continue to make an effort.